The Trauma …. The Phobia …

 

I’ve started driving to college last Saturday,
Which I think it was ok.

Later the night, I thought I had the confidence,
But with my mom and sisters in the car,
I yet reversed without looking properly into my blind spot,
Bang a car, their bumper was cracked
Yet they say its ok …

For that night, I’ve gave up the seriousness
of ever driving again,
Which it was temporary,
And I’ve started to remove my nail polish.
It was hard to remove and I relate it to my current situation.
What was stained, will be hard to remove. It takes time.

I slowly remove all the old colour,
And used the black nail polish.
Its not like the usual me, and definitely,
the old me will not use black.
Conclusion, I’m seeing myself slowly accepting and changing as time goes …

And then I said this to myself “Hey, its black but yet its shiny !”
Conclusion – Every dark point in you, it will still shine even just a bit.

Today 21 March 2012,
Its my chance to drive alone now,
It should not be a problem as I think I have overcome my phobia.
However, that’s not it.

This time, 8:20 pm. It was pitch black.
As my friends rushing back home after the meeting,
they quickly drove away once they reached their car.
My mother just have to call me at that point and I was almost left behind,
Alone in the pitched black car park.

It was terrifying, I prayed to stay calmed,
And played some soft music.

Then I realized that my phobia was actually driving alone going back home …

Slowly, calmly, I drove,
Patiently, cautiously, I wait …

That exact same junction where that accident happened.
I waited … And I crossed.

I’ve overcome it alone ….

Reached home, my hands are still shivering …
I’ve taken more rice, and prayed that I’m blessed enough to still be able to have dinner with my parents.

I’m glad that I can reach home.